Run For Your Wife
With my incredibly stressful first year of Racodac behind me, I felt it a good idea to form some conclusions:
- Eleven week terms are too long.
- Ball bags can stretch more than you may at first think.
- Buses are poo.
- There is no beating the system.
- Using proper film terminology in essays loses you marks.
- Read the project brief then do the opposite.
- Ask questions that you don’t want answered in the hope that they’ll tell you what you really did want to know.
- Printing out work is both a waste of time and a waste of print credits.
- There is absolutely no point in worrying about arriving late; chances are the tutors are running even later - if they turn up at all.
- Very few people will sit next to me on the bus.
- It pays to have your fingers in all the pies.
- Filling in lengthy forms for student benefits entitles me to nothing more than money off for a wig.
- Extra-strong condoms are great for anal sex.
- People who use unbelievably long words in conversation only use them because they themselves have only *just* found out what they mean.
- By the time I leave in 2007, I will have asked bus drivers “Are you going round to Bromley on the other side?” at least 165 times.
- When young lasses write their phone numbers on scraps of paper and pass them to you, get them to write their name on the piece of paper too.
- Always keep your ear to the ground.
- The first thing you do with a door handle is you do not look at it.
- “One billion” uses the same amount of characters when written as numbers as it does using letters.
- Painful giggle loop moments occur when observing funny walks, bits of fluff, spillages, loud clapping, countdowns, and bus doors closing on old ladies.
- Getting up early warrants an additional half-hour doze on the bedroom floor.
- People from your past always pop up again to haunt you. (Well, not so much “haunt” - it just sounds more dramatic.)
- My body is prone to nasty electric shocks.
- When changing metaphors, use a salami instead of an onion.
So there you have it - my invaluable knowledge from a year of invaluable nonsense. Use it wisely 