In the last twelve hours I have cut just under my left eye with a coat hanger, gashed my head badly on a piece of wood, stubbed my toe - once again - on my subwoofer, and received a massive accidental (don’t ask) love bite on my neck.

Considering I’ve only been awake for six of these twelve hours, that’s not bad going wouldn’t you agree?

It’s no secret that I generally get very tense, and that I think I’ve fallen into the trap of blaming fruit. But I am not one to scare easily.

So, that in mind, I got the fright of my life a short moment ago… when my life-size Arnold Schwarzenegger cardboard cutout fell through my open door and onto me whilst I was seated at my computer.

Remember that for anyone to even be in the vicinity of my room they’d have to come up a flight of stairs, which I would’ve clearly heard. So turning to see a six-foot-two ‘impostor’ leaping out at me with great haste really did scare the hell outta me.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! Go away you singing children in adverts and crawl away and die in a ditch somewhere, you bastards.

The bus route I use every day to get to Racodac & back has been officially declared the second most dangerous route in London.

What can I say? - I live on the edge.

What is wrong with this picture - available on the newly relaunched The Bill site, which did *not* launch on 21st July as they proclaim?

Answer: The absence of characters like Reg Hollis, June Ackland and co.

Now fair enough, some of the more original (i.e. older) faces don’t exactly fit the Hollyoaks look that ITV are currently pushing for with The Bill. But it’s those characters that made - and continue to make - the series what it is today.

Don’t get me wrong, all of the characters in that photograph are actually pretty good. It’s just glamorising The Bill in this way is completely against what the series is about. Look at them, they look like they’re posing for a fashion catalogue. I’d much rather a full squad photograph - something you might see on the wall of a superintendent’s office. That’d be excellent - although even then just the original logo white on black would suit me far better as a desktop background.

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I realise that this is my second The Bill related gripe of late, but rest assured I don’t think any less of the series. These things just get my feckles up from time to time.

One of many reasons why YouTube is excellent.

This is going to be brilliant.

Do the The Bill casting team think us viewers are dumb or something? They’ve got the actress who played Matt Boyden’s daughter three years ago playing a completely different/new character tonight.

They’ve done this before - recycled performers for different roles - which is fine as long as they only play minor roles. But her previous character was so significant (not only did she have her police officer father gunned down, but that storyline was the crossover storyline for the launch of the spinoff series, MIT too) how could they possibly think we wouldn’t remember?