Why are there always dry bits of snot in library books?

I’ve just reduced an eighteen year old female friend of my big-little brother’s to tears… merely minutes after meeting the girl.

Ha ha ha ha, that really is quite ridiculous isn’t it? Think: Nikki from this year’s Big Brother only without the tantrums and you’re spot on.

But perhaps more curiously, moments later - having put the willies up her (though not mine) - she was falling about laughing, saying I should have my own television show and asking if I could be the entertainer at her cousin’s wedding reception. What?!

My Grandad’s just been on the tele. Huzzah!

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003 remake is incredibly dire. I sort of started watching it on my television but can’t turn over now as my big-little brother wants to see it to the end despite agreeing it is poo. Life’s too short, surely?

I can’t stand the original - the only redeeming bit being the retard in the wheelchair falling down the hill at the beginning (which I’ll watch every time the film is on because it makes me laugh heartily) – and this update falls flat on its arse.

Why the constant need to remake films anyway? Take this year’s remake of The Wicker Man for example: Why?! The original was/is perfect in every possible way and has been a firm favourite of mine since I was a wee lad. Not even my love of Nicolas Cage films will sway me to rush out and see this retold effort.

Saw II has sat on my shelf, much like many other shiny discs - unwatched, for a good couple of months now. But tonight was the night to pop it in the player and give it a whirl. So that’s exactly what I did, and it definitely did not disappoint; it was sAwesome!

I can’t wait for Saw III now.

I’ve just watched the cult classic The Warriors for the first time. And although I thought it was very good, I can’t help but think that had they simply broken into a clothes shop and thieved different tops they could’ve got back to Coney Island undetected.

I know there’s an element of pride – being a Warrior and what not. But if there were 60,000 other gang members after me, not to mention the 20,000 odd police officers, I’d certainly swallow my pride for the night.

Oh yes! Oh no!

But it’s rubbish! Why are things like this getting made ahead of the Red Dwarf film? Red Dwarf has been going for far longer and has a bigger fan base. ARGH.

After my love affairs with Thomas the Tank Engine and Ghostbusters came a love for Teenage Mutant Hero (Ninja) Turtles. I watched the cartoon, I had all the toys, the NES (and SNES) games and watched each three of the live-action films in awe.

Thinking back on the films now, however, I can’t help but feel a bit cringed. (I’m not sure if grammatically that’s the correct use of the word. But sometimes you just gotta say: “The laws of words and sentence structure - who gives a smeg?!”)

Anyway, yes - the original films entertained me greatly all of ten or so years ago. But now my fond memories of them stay in the past, save for nostalgia. It’s hard to say exactly why; they just seem a bit too gimmicky to want to watch at this age.

Having said that, I am fairly interested to see them again now - having just seen the teaser trailer to the all new Turtles film due out next year. It looks awesome and the cgi is probably the best of all the wholly-cgi films I’ve ever seen.

Few films excite me like this so it’s great when they do come along. And given I accidentally stumbled across the teaser (I didn’t even know they were making another Turtles film) I am feeling quite excited indeed.

Turtle power!

Collateral greatly disappointed the first time I saw it. I can’t remember why, though I do remember feeling the ending was a bit rushed - so maybe that’s partly to blame.

Whatever, I fancied a revisit earlier and have just finished watching it for the second time. It was excellent. In fact, the only bit I didn’t like was seeing Jamie Foxx’s character checking his postcard towards the beginning having only just (in the film’s running time) put it there. It was obvious why it was there and a later scene explained it for the thickies anyway.

But yes, ’twas ace.