Argh. It’s almost a whole year later and things are still the same. Where’s those cocktail sticks…

Ha ha, that sounds like some kind of weird suicide bid.

Not that suicide is in any way funny, obviously.

It’s hard to think that The Royle Family has been away for six years. It felt just like old times, though. Brilliant. And unexpectedly moving.

I love it when things finish properly.

I posted a present abroad to my dear friend Danette in Fatland earlier. Having placed my package on the scales (ooer!) at the post office, the man serving me (double ooer!) said it was nine pounds (JACKPOT!!!).

He then asked what the contents were, to which I stated it was a DVD boxset. Actually it’s easier demonstrated like this:

PO: That will be £9. What’s inside the package?
BB: Just a DVD boxset.
PO: Is there any paper inside?
BB: (curiously) Ye…es.
PO: There is paper inside?
BB: Well, there’s an outer cardboard box that surrounds the DVD case.
PO: So there’s no covering letter or writing?
BB: Only printed on the side of the DVD box.
PO: So you haven’t written a letter?
BB: No.
PO: Oh, well if there’s no writing it’s classed as a ’small packet’ and not a ‘letter’. So that will cost £5.14.
BB: O…K.

So in short, it would have cost me almost double to post something abroad if it had some form of letter in it, despite the package still physically being the same size and weight. What on Earth?!

As it happens, there *was* a hand-written message in there. But I had a feeling it made a difference so held said information back. Yes, I’ve broken the system and am some kind of god. But come on - that is ridiculous. There’s no other word for it.

Doctor Who spin-off, Torchwood was excellent. Like Ultraviolet, only with aliens.

Love it.

The Garth’s just been on t’tele. I love him so much; I feel it was almost for ME.

I love Lee Mack. I’ve seen a lot of his stand-up acts, a lot of his sketches, heard his radio work - even seen him in the flesh, live. He’s easily one of the funniest comedians about at the moment and his new series, Not Going Out is brilliant. It’s weird, though, as I’ve heard nothing but bad things about it.

I didn’t get to watch the first two episodes as they went to air because of DISSERTATION HELL. But I’ve just watched them both and thought they were hilarious. Such clever wordplay; the writing is really good. In fact, the writing reminds me of Frank Skinner-penned Blue Heaven and Shane - both of which I adore but were similarly panned everywhere else. And infuriatingly in the case of the latter, they even filmed a second series but left it on a shelf, having never been broadcast, to rot.

What’s the problem? Okay, so they’re not quite the traditional sitcom set-ups they almost pretend to be. But what’s wrong with that? The writing is far funnier and far more intelligent than most sitcoms these days, with a proper sense of suture too.

Actually, I was that impressed with Frank Skinner’s Shane that I wrote to him after the bad reviews came out. Here’s a small section of the three pages that I wrote:

“I absolutely loved it. It had a quality about it that most recent sitcoms lack. I think it’s called effort!

It’s hard to explain, but you’ll already know because you wrote it. I’m talking of the way the script comes full circle each time. It was very well crafted - I can imagine it was a right bugger to write.”

I’m sure that reads incredibly tossy and sycophantic. But by that time I’d already been following his work for seven years so felt I owed him something; not once has he disappointed. Take football for example, which I can’t stand - playing or watching it. I’ll make plans around watching & listening to everything he and David Baddiel have to say on the matter, as they are so funny with it. I even subscribed to their World Cup podcast earlier this year. And I don’t ‘do’ podcasts or football. So that’s saying something.

Coming back to my original point (I’m pretending I had one - I didn’t other than to say Not Going Out IS great), I’d be dead proud if I’d written something as beautifully crafted as any of these sitcoms. They beat the socks, pants and vests off of television’s recent offerings. I mean, what is the big deal with Little Britain? I realise it’s going from strength to strength but I really don’t see any element of humour in it. Ooooh, an old, incontinent lady pisses herself in public. Hilarious.

I think I’ve made my point.

I’ve just met the author, dreamweaver, visionary (plus actor) Garth Marenghi and co. Wizard indeed!

Thirty-six pages - I’ve finished the beast!

An update is needed, I feel, for the sake of my sanity.

I have been frantically working on my dissertation for the best part of two weeks. On the whole it has been an incredibly painful process, though I can’t deny having found small moments of enjoyment on a small number of occasions. Writing has proved to be the biggest bugger, as I like to ensure everything is well rounded and flows beautifully. Only, it’s taken far longer to write what essentially amounts to “not a lot” (5,807 words to be exact) in five long twelve-hours-at-a-time days.

It’s not so much the time spent that bothers me, more a case of not having much to show for that time. It really is quite soul-destroying:

(Two weeks ago, enthusiastic.)

(The day before yesterday, dead.)

The only thing that helps me maintain my slender grip on reality is the friendship I share with my collection of singing potatoes. That and an abundance of chocolate digestives. And milk.

This is beautiful.