Judging a tortoise by its shell
In the three years that I’ve been writing this blog, I’ve never struggled to write a post as much as I have with this one. I’ve actually spent six hours (and written over a thousand words) over the last four days on what would have been this post. Yet I’ve ditched all of those efforts because it didn’t feel right.
So here it is, the simplified version of my lengthy morality tale - simplified to save my head from exploding:
I knew someone for two years. We were completely different - interests, values, morals et cetera. I wouldn’t say we disliked each other (not quite), but we weren’t best buds either. A love-hate relationship was how it was oft-described by peers.
A few days back I somehow stumbled onto this person’s profile on a popular online community, and I read on out of pure curiosity. And by the time I’d finished reading, my opinion of this person had changed completely.
This is where the difficulty has been in writing this post, as now that I’ve seen a new side to this person, I really, really can’t remember what it was two years ago that saw us mutually almost disliking each other for two whole years.
So surprised at the new side I’d seen of this person, I messaged to say hello and share my eye-opening moment with them. I felt it a little daring; I fully expected to get laughed at - by the person once described by others as my “nemesis”. But I couldn’t understand how I got them so wrong.
I consider myself a fair person and a good judge of character, and generally don’t dislike people unless there is very good reason. So I asked around to see if I’d somehow fabricated a false memory of the two years we knew each other. And everyone has spoken of a constant friction between us - how we always clashed. But they also said that this person did come across as a hardened, wild and somewhat cold-hearted individual towards all.
This was of some comfort to me, as how I perceived them was clearly the impression they wanted to give off. But I can’t help but feel guilty now, as despite our supposed mutual ‘disliking’ of each other, we spent hours at a time in each other’s company (through choice) and never took the time to get to know each other properly.
It’s weird: only in recent days have I consciously recognised that there was something there. We even shared a ‘moment’ at a party once. Once.
I know that everyone has feelings - no matter how deep down under hardened shells they’re hidden. But I never knew this person to be so human, warm and affectionate; I really like this version of them and wish I’d seen it before. Still, we’re in contact again now and have both discovered new things about the other, so, I suppose, all is sweeet.
Fin.