Some nob jockey has shaved off a chunk of my eyebrow.

Despite my ongoing stomach problems a few years back, I haven’t actually spewed for a good ten years or so. But that all changed in the early hours of Tuesday morning when chunks were most certainly blown - but oddly, none of which were carrots.

I must’ve been a harder bastard in my younger days, as I ended up crying each & every time on this occasion. It felt like my innards were being ripped out - that I was forcing up shards of glass from the depths of my stomachy pit.

So yes, not pleasant - though I’ve escaped recent years with nothing more than minor ailments so I’m not going to complain. It just hurt like a fother mucker.

Still, I’ve had the bulk of the week off - a week’s worth of Loose Women! - and am feeling much better now.

When it mattered, 2006 was a bit of a poo year; I’ve just neglected to mention the bulk of the bad bits on this here blog because - well, because I can.

Not that 2006 was without highlights, nay don’t be silly - there were loads of good things in 2006. It’s just the undocumented bad aspects far outweighed the good. And going on the goodness apparent in this post, you’ll see how bad the bad was.

Anyhow, being asked to stay on at Paramount for a second week, having dazzled them with my skills in the first, was definitely a high point of this year. That and Hob McD. saying that he’d actually seen the work I’d done there go to air. Fantastic.

English & Pockett was also a great company to work for, just sod’s law that I went for the one week of the year that supposedly saw very little work going on. ’twas a very insightful experience, and their name is perhaps the best for graphic design to have on your CV in the United Kingdom. So I’m not complaining.

My day in the Sky News studio was brilliant too, even if I did get trapped on the London Underground on the way there. Pirate’s motion control demonstration at their studio was also amazing, though I am a bit narked it wasn’t a week later when I could’ve had my photograph taken holding an Oscar. Bah.

Then, of course, there’s the vast amount of celebrities I saw at signings, live shows and generally walking about the place: Robert Llewellyn, Chloe Annett, Chris Barrie, Danny John-Jules, Russell Brand, Ricky Gervais, Sean Lock, Lee Mack, Stewart Lee, Robin Ince, Alan Carr, Matthew Holness, Richard Ayoade, Matt Berry, David Mitchell, Robert Webb and Shaun ‘Fat Baz’ Williamson. A ridiculously impressive list I’m sure anyone would agree. And let’s not forget bumping into fellow geek, Eugene Sully and the amusing - if not erratic - Nikki Grahame, both of which didn’t make it onto the previous list on account of not being proper celebrities. And perhaps even more impressive than all of that, I interviewed Peter Tyler for my dissertation. Boy did he come up trumps. Again.

Television, on the whole, wasn’t good. Life on Mars, which kick-started the year, was fantastic. Doctor Who was similarly splendid, though the Christmas special was a leetle bit disappointing - but generally a great episode. Torchwood was excellent - its series finale (apart from the rushed ending) beat the Doccie Who Christmas special hands down.

Not Going Out, Man to Man and Lead Balloon were superb new sitcoms; Pulling also being great, but not quite as funny as it could’ve been. Likewise Extras was hilarious in places, but in general wasn’t quite as sparkly as the first series. And That Mitchell and Webb Look, while funny, also disappointed, as so much of it was recycled material from their radio series.

Robin Hood was also thoroughly entertaining. And The Bill was as Billiant as ever. Oh, and I also fell in love with Firefly and Serenity having finally got around to watching the DVDs I’ve had of them for over a year. (Twat!) The Mighty Boosh and Nathan Barley also pleased me muchly having got them on a whim.

Film-wise, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest and Saw III were the only films I saw at the cinema this year - both of which were excellent. I was fairly keen to see Superman Returns, but I’m that fond of the originals, I didn’t mind waiting until the DVD came along - although I still haven’t seen it. I am annoyed I never got around to seeing Clerks II on the big screen, though, so am desperately awaiting its release on DVD in February.

Food opinions in 2006 were varied. I discovered that potato salad was “mmmmm”, and that KP crisps far outshine Walkers and Golden Wonder for both flavour & freshness. But I also found out that cheddar cheese popcorn is a definite no-no - an absolute disaster of food that will stink out your kitchen, reminding you each time you smell it of the horror actually consuming the snack was.

What else to say? Oh yes, I invested in an Xbox console *just* to play Halo, which didn’t disappoint - but again, I’m a bit behind in only doing this in 2006. And in health: the bruises underneath my two big toe nails have yet to fully grow out. So that’s something to look forward to in 2007, along with:

More Life on Mars, Doccie Who, Torchwood, Lead Balloon and The Billage on the box. And theatrical releases of Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End, Spider-Man 3, Hot Fuzz, Live Free or Die Hard, Shrek the Third, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Simpson’s Movie, Sunshine and the film about Guy Goma - purely because the whole fiasco is so amusing.

And here’s hoping the independently made The Legend of Zelda: The Hero of Time gets finished, and that Red Dwarf: The Movie finally gets funded too.

Cheddar cheese popcorn. It sounds really weird, but that was the appeal - even though I’m not too fond of cheese.

It was horrible; the smell alone was nauseating and the taste indescribably bad. Avoid at all costs.

The day before yesterday I awoke with a small cut on my forehead, which has since scabbed over. Yesterday I awoke with another small cut on my forehead, which has also scabbed over. And this morning I awoke with yet another small cut on my forehead, which too will no doubt scab over.

Granted I have difficulty sleeping. And recently has been notably bad. But I have no idea what I’ve been doing in my slumber to acquire such injuries. Still, amusingly, the triangular mark left on my bonce doesn’t half look like the Predator is taking aim from a distance.

Argh. It’s almost a whole year later and things are still the same. Where’s those cocktail sticks…

Ha ha, that sounds like some kind of weird suicide bid.

Not that suicide is in any way funny, obviously.

Ouch. It’s my chair’s fault.

In the last twelve hours I have cut just under my left eye with a coat hanger, gashed my head badly on a piece of wood, stubbed my toe - once again - on my subwoofer, and received a massive accidental (don’t ask) love bite on my neck.

Considering I’ve only been awake for six of these twelve hours, that’s not bad going wouldn’t you agree?

Having suffered terribly with hayfever this year it’s suddenly just… cleared up. My eyes have been okay - no stinging at all - and I’ve been sneezing far, far less. Joy! I’m really hoping it’s left me as quickly as it joined me some years ago.

Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun.

Although my hayfever has again been really bad, today has been much better than yesterday - even if far too hot for my liking. And now I want to rip my eyeballs out.